HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT MONEY?

I know I don't feel good about money. Yesterday I was having a fantastic day. I started this blog, my brother took our sheets off the line for me, folded them and put them in our room, then he said he was thinking about buying the book "Baby Love" for my boyfriend and I (a book I had been looking at buying myself). It was our 3 year anniversary yesterday and I posted on Facebook a status update about our first kiss, and thanking him for taking a chance at love with me. Just thinking about that first moment we shared made me tear up in a moment of complete love, then my boyfriend sent me the most beautiful SMS saying he loves me more than the first day we met.

I spent most of my day online, writing out the texts regarding the emotional guidance scale, being reminded that everything in my life is a vibrational indicator to where I am in the Vortex. I felt myself getting more and more in the Vortex the more I continued to re-read the text, and write it out. I thought I would do some washing, and clean up the kitchen and lounge room for when he got home, as he has been working hard all day.

When he got home he told me that his boss is interested in his radios that he has for sale, and hopefully he'll take all 3 of them for a couple hundred each + installation cash. My boyfriend was wrapped and instantly I felt myself thrown out of the Vortex. A couple hundred? I thought they were worth around $1,000 each. Apparently I had mistaken their value for something else. I couldn't quite understand what was going on but I felt like I had been hit with a brick right in the chest. I was counting on using the couple of thousand my boyfriend was going to sell his radios for, on helping pay off our Hilux loan. I was going to sell the Starlet for a couple of thousand to meet him half way and get rid of the loan completely. It was all planned in my head. That way I thought we wouldn't have to worry about selling the Subaru for top dollar to pay off both the Subaru loan and the Hilux loan, we would only have to worry about the Subaru loan. Everything in my head was coming together to work out in time for the birth of our first child, due in 50 days. But only a couple of hundred each? How on Earth is that going to help? That doesn't fit into my plan.

From that point on in the afternoon my mood was sullen, I was quiet, I was almost depressed, but quick to frustration and irritation. I knew right then and there I had to get back into the Vortex, but my mood was so "blah" I didn't know where to pin point my state on the EGS, and quite frankly, I couldn't be bothered. I went to bed feeling that way, disappointed that I let a simple moment ruin my day.

This morning I woke up in pretty much the same mood, and thought I need to do something about this state of mind, because I WANT to feel better about money, and I WANT to be able to surrender control of the "how" to the universe. I know that by trying to figure out "how" something is going to manifest all I am doing is offering resistance to it, and the last thing I need is more resistance to money, or should I say a feeling of security?

I didn't know where to start, because I was still feeling "blah" I thought I would write an appreciation list of everything in my life I should give thanks for, but I didn't get very far with it. Then I jumped on the Abraham Hicks forum and started to read a thread called "How DO you get into the vortex ANYWAYS?" I only read a couple of replies and then I remembered on another forum I'm a member on, a user had posted in a thread called "things you want to do before you die" a list of 101 things that he wanted to do, using LOA to get them. This forum isn't about LOA, which is why it stood out to me. I found his post and decided that I would write my own Bucket List of things I wanted to do before I died. (Or croaked, depending on who you speak to).

I got started, at first I didn't feel much of a change in my mood but the more I got involved with it, the more I could feel my mood shift. I have only done 50 things so far, but my mood shifted far enough to pull me out of a state of despair to be able to focus my energy on moving up the EGS regarding money, since my lack of awareness is what got me here in the first place.

So... how do I feel about money; exactly? 

Joy / Knowledge / Empowerment / Freedom / Love / Appreciation

Passion

Enthusiasm / Eagerness / Happiness

Positive Expectation / Belief

Optimism

Hopefulness

Contentment

Boredom

Pessimism

Frustration / Impatience / Irritation

"Overwhelment"

Disappointment

Doubt

Worry

Blame

Discouragement

Anger

Revenge

Hatred / Rage

Jealousy

Insecurity / Guilt / Unworthiness

Fear / Grief / Depression / Despair / Powerlessness

I guess I would have to say right down the bottom. Fear / Grief / Depression / Despair and Powerlessness. The good news with that is I can't get any lower, and the only way from here is up! So going by what I typed out yesterday, I need to find a better thought on what I am feeling right now, as I am unable to feel anything far from what I am feeling right now. Meaning, I can't go from despair and depression to positive expectation and belief, it's too far to jump... but that doesn't mean I am going to take forever to get there, because once I get started I could always move up the EGS quickly.

Now that I have taken the time to figure out where I am and how I am feeling, finally, I can concentrate on moving up the EGS, rather than dwell about my woes in a feeling of "blah". It's all good from here, and for that I am thankful.